I am desperately trying to figure out how to get the boys to sleep better at night. Thank you in advance for reading all of this and giving me your two cents.
The Situation: We feed the babies around 6 PM, put them down usually by 7 and then the night-long torture starts. Eddie and Charlie alternate waking up every few hours crying very hard. It usually starts around 10 PM. Then there is the inevitable midnight freak out. Eddie will often cry from 12 until I finally give in and feed him around 1. (More on that later.) Then they will sleep well for a few hours, but will wake up and cry around 3 or 4 or 5 and I'll put off feeding them until 6.
The Background: Ever since they were newborns, I have "shooshed" them back to sleep when they awoke. It was just easier to pat their backs, give them their binkies, and soothe them back to sleep. I think I never let them learn how to soothe themselves. Before Christmas, they were both sleeping (with shooshing) until around 2 AM, when we'd feed them, and then they'd sleep until around 7 AM. All that was ruined, I assume, by traveling and then their subsequent illness.
The Goal: To have them sleep soundly until their night feeding no sooner than 1 AM. (When they eat earlier than that, they inevitably want to eat again before 6 AM.) I'm trying to help this by also getting them on a regular nap schedule (morning nap around 9 AM, midday nap around 12 or 1, and late afternoon nap around 4 or 5.)
The Strategy: We've been trying to let them cry it out. We only give them their binkies, instead of the elaborate measures we used to take to soothe them back to sleep. We've been doing this for a week now and there hasn't been any progress. The boys still wake up a ton at night and, like I said, it's always around the same times. The night feeding is the worst b/c even though I haven't "reinforced" a midnight or earlier feeding, they still wake up screaming bloody murder every night at 12 and will cry inconsolably from a half hour to an hour until I finally give in. To complicate all this, Eddie can now flip himself over onto his back and break out of his swaddle, and Charlie may be teething. Oh, and they all have colds again. But they've been waking many times a night from the get-go, so I refuse to believe it will get better "when..."
So what on earth do I do? Do I resign myself to going back to two night feedings? Do I go back to feeding them at 10 before I go to bed? Do I keep letting them cry their brains out? For another week? Two? Is this just reflux acting up? Should I try switching formula?
I'm ready to kill someone for more than two hours of sleep together. Thanks for your help.
8 comments:
I can't imagine triplets. So I will offer my advice, but I've only ever had one baby at a time. We did babywise for the most part and somehow it worked out. I know other people though that did everything that they were "supposed" to do and didn't have the same success. With that said, I suggest feeding them again at 10pm before you go to bed. And phasing out the 1am feeding -- thus sleep for you until 6 am (in theory, right!) At least til you accomplish what you want. Then the 7 pm to 6 am should happen evenutally. My little dude has slept 10 hours since he was 2 months, with little interuption. Sickness always causes mix ups in schedule. I would also do my very best to not let them sleep after 4pm. or 4:30 pm. So put them down for their last nap at 2:30 or 3. If they are super tired this can be hard. Sometimes not worth the battle, but it is possible, especially with help which you have some of now. I'll email you what schedule I am talking about b/c this is getting confusing! But all in all you just need to find happiness in their sleeping and YOURS. I am alwasy majorly crabby when I don't get sleep... and no one can be happy if mommy isn't. So... this is just my suggestion. You've probably tried everything out there... hope it helps though.
As long as they are healthy and eating plenty and not stuffed up or teething or gassy...you know...I'd say keep at it.
Do they use binkies? (I don't know why I call them that.) When we sleep trained B., he was seven months, I think, and he STILL woke up every three hours, but then went right back to sleep. But he was a skinny-minny and I didn't mind it since I was home with just him to worry about. You need good night's sleep, lady! Stiff upper lip, earphones, and a good game of something silly on Facebook. Wanna play me in a marathon of Scrabble some time for distraction? ;)
Good luck, my dear. And remember you have a few hours of babysitting and yoga to come home to when you are ready.
I have never met you but I am friends with Lindsay A. and I found your blog through hers . . . Have loved following your life with triplets in the big city. I like to check it once in awhile.
I have LOVED the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Dr. Weisbluth even has a chapter on multiples.
I had a similar problem with my three month old. He went into the hospital for a few days and when he got home he started waking up every two hours. I just decided to let him cry it out one night when he woke up at midnight to eat again. I let him cry it out until he fell asleep again. It took TWO HOURS. But he never again woke up again before 4 am for a feeding and is now sleeping from 6:30 p.m. to 7 am.
I would also try to put them down a little earlier for their morning naps. Like 8:30 am, 11:30 or noon for 2nd nap and a short nap around 3:30.
Anyway, I hope you can get them to sleep! I know the lack of sleep is what I find hardest as a mom.
Emily: I wish I had a magical solution that would work for you, but I do not. All that I can think of that may help you (and it has undoubtedly been said) is to try to get them to sleep in separate rooms. You're in my prayers.
Emily, I am so sorry. I wouldn't dare give a Mom like you advice, but since you asked...I like what "Lance and Kristi" said about moving the naps up. We have consistently followed Kim West's book Good Night, Sleep Tight, but with variable result depending on the kid and circumstances. So many variables! And so many more with triplets! But night comes every day and you gotta try something, right?
Move the naps up, do you use white noise machine/cd? I think that always helps. And stick with it, my friend. Because you know what? In the end, you either get lucky and the magical sleep fairy blesses them or they cry it out. In the end, any program or plan, when it doesn't work, or "until" it does work, they are crying it out. So you might as well be sleeping. Earplugs. When Ed was out of town 8 days in October and Poppy wasn't sleeping through the night and I had full days every day with the kids, I put her to bed at 7:30, checked on her before I went to bed at 10:30, turned OFF the monitor, closed my door, put in earplugs, and went to sleep. Sometimes I still heard her, but man, I needed my sleep to function! So I covered my head with Ed's pillow and went back to sleep. She was fine every morning, though maybe ticked. I'm not saying it's nice. Or pretty. Or your only option. I'm a little embarrassed because I am a loving mom and it sounds super harsh. But I was totally desperate. And it sounds like you are, too. I'm not saying you should, just saying you can and you're not a bad mom. You gotta take care of you - you gotta get some sleep. We missed the teach-self-soothing window on Poppy somehow and we paid the fiddler for it.
So I agree with some of the comments posted here on your blog.
First, I believe from personal experience, that they need to cry. I don't know if more than an hour of "hard" crying is healthy, but there must be crying involved. Next, at Christmas, you swaddled them so tight, and all the time. I think they are past the swaddle. They need to be able to move and wiggle and push their heads up and move their arms. My suggestion is to either not to swaddle them so tight or not to swaddle them at all anymore. Developmentally, they need to be able to move, and it might take their minds off the fact that they are crying if they can push there own little bodies around.
Sleep. Your sleep is vital. Their sleep is vital, but flexible and yours really isn't as flexible as theirs. I think someone else said this, but here's what I did. I tried not to let them sleep after 4pm in the afternoon so that they would go to sleep at bedtime. That means starting their last nap of the day around 2pm. Bedtime was a little flexible. But I would only do one night feeding, which was usually around midnight. However, when my babies got a little older (6 months + which is also when they have more food options, more filling foods) I'd try to keep them up until 8 or 9, and then most nights they slept until 3 or 4 before needing anything, and eventually they would sleep until 6 or 7 without needing a feeding...eventually. It hardly ever happens all at once. And one of your babies might be able to go all night more than the other two. That's the tricky part.
Naps were usually about 2 hours after they woke up (so like 9 or so)and then again around 2 in the afternoon.
As they get older, they need more tummy/back time, more interaction and movement, which in turn will make them tired and help them to sleep better. That is a key in getting them to sleep better as well.
I know it's always easier said than done, so please just use what works for you from all of this advice you are getting on here. Sleep when the babies sleep. I know that's not always possible with a 2-year old running around as well, but you definately should try. At night time, if all of your kids are asleep by 8, go to bed at 8:30 and then sleep until they need you. Don't stay up until 10:30 or 11. Sleep. Once you get through this first part of their development, things will and should start falling into place better.
Wish we were still there to help you out. I know having a bigger place, close to the job would be great too, but we have to work with what we've been blessed with. We pray for you all! and we love you so much. Please let us know if we can do anything at all for your family.
Emily,
I think it is amazing how kids can make necessary things like eating and sleeping so insanely difficult. I have no idea what triplets are like, and don't really want to completely understand :), but RD says that at his clinic they use Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" method for babies from normally functioning to asperger's and other levels of functioning.
Good luck getting some sleep!
All my sympathy to you!!! I just finished sleep-training my seven-month old. Luckily, she slept all through the night at one month until four months, and then she started waking up. I thought she was hungry, so I started feeding her. So she started consistently waking up and wouldn't go back to sleep unless I fed her. It got worse so finally we had to do what our doc told us and let her cry it out. It was hard to do because she would cry for at least an hour and spit up and choke. But anyway, three weeks later, she sleeps all through the night again.
I'm guessing that it may not work the same with triplets because one's crying may wake up the others? I would go with the book that Kristi recommended--I had that recommended to me too and if it talks about multiples then that is your ticket! Good luck! You are super woman!
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