Monday, September 20, 2010

Two Weeks

C, E, and L

Hard to believe. It's been the longest two weeks of my life, that's for sure. Round the clock feedings, near-comatose preemies, and a very excited but very volatile big sister make for some crazy times. But our stress level was significantly reduced when we took them for their weight check on Friday and found out that they all have gained plenty of weight, even Eddie. The doctor says he's in the clear and, though we still feed him more frequently than the other two, he's progressing well and eating at least 2 oz each feeding. HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!! Charlie is over 6 lbs in fact and he and Lucy have exceeded their birth weight.



Our good friend, M, came by one day to take Elizabeth with her and her son to the playground and brought this double-stroller, which she said she was throwing away. I quickly asked if we could have it and she graciously agreed. This is a picture of our first ever excursion. We walked around the block. It was liberating.

Super G-Ma. Adam and I left three sleeping babies for just 45 min and came back to this.

My mom left on Saturday. That was a very hard goodbye. Things have been up and down since. I felt pretty good over the weekend. We managed at night with just the two of us, mostly because Adam kindly fed two babies and I just nursed one. And we had a lot of help on Saturday. But this morning a heavy fog of depression seemed to settle down on me. It's lifted somewhat as the day has gone on, but it varies according to how well feeding, especially nursing, goes. This morning, I couldn't bring myself to face any of it. I had no patience for Elizabeth. I let Adam do everything. I just didn't care. It's hard to feel a deep, bonding love for three newborns at once. At least, it's been hard for me. I never feel like I'm giving enough, and yet I don't know how I can give more and stay alive. For the moment, at least, I'm stable. I hope it lasts.


Charlie, our first-born, was the first to loose his umbilical cord and therefore got to have his first bath. You can't tell by the picture but he liked it. He's a snuggler. He sleeps a lot better being held. But he's also a pain to change his diaper b/c he ALWAYS pees. This is a new thing for me, projectile urination. Lucy is easy-going. She sleeps well and eats well, from a bottle. But she spits up a ton so we put her to bed in her car seat. And Eddie is Eddie. He's just happy to be here. And he's eating more each day. They all are. They still take a lot of attention to feed and I'm just waiting for the day when I can pop a bottle in each mouth and they can do their thing. But until then, I better sign off and get some rest before the next one has to eat.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sleepy Time

Eddie, Charlie, and Lucy

Eddie somehow ended up in a pink blanket.

Birth story to follow. The whole hospital stay was kind of traumatic so I'm still processing. But we're home. They're healthy. Eddie of course needs all the attention still, and so is having a hard time eating enough. But we're working on it and trying to stay sane on the negligible sleep we're getting.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Final Thoughts

My brain seems too scattered to organize my thoughts into something cohesive. So I apologize for the randomness of the following. But I just wanted to put down what I was thinking and feeling the day before the triplets are born.

What a strange thing to know when your child is going to be born. I can see why it would appeal to a certain personality. But I prefer the unknown of spontaneous labor, mostly b/c, as time passes, the number of days I have left have been inversely proportional to how many hours of sleep I get at night.

We still don't know what we're going to name them. We have a list we keep messing with, but we're waiting until we see them. I think, though, that I've just been putting it off. I wish we'd put more time into it. But it's too late now.

It's hard to think I won't be pregnant anymore. GLORIOUS to think, but hard to imagine. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. This has obviously been the harder of the two pregnancies, but from what I've heard and read, I've had a very easy triplet pregnancy. And it's pretty much a miracle I've lasted this long. The average gestational age for triplets is 32 weeks. I read somewhere that 70% of triplet-carrying women had to be hospitalized before delivery. I have felt from early on that everything would be fine with this pregnancy. That I wouldn't loose one of them; that I would carry them as long as possible; that they would be healthy and whole. Whatever their birth weight or the length of their stay in the hospital, I feel very blessed and give all the credit to God.

I often wonder if Elizabeth has any concept of what is about to happen. But then, I don't know if I do either. There are so many unknowns. I am grateful I won't have to re-learn how to be a mother—that I've already been a new mom and won't be gripped by the same fears. But the ins and outs of how we'll care for three newborns and a toddler are like a big, black cloud of uncertainty, hanging over my head. My mom, along with everyone, keeps telling me to just take things one day at a time, one task at a time. Things will work out. But I wish I knew what I was in for. A friend asked about what kind of system or help we have lined up, but with all the variables, I haven't made much preparation, especially since we don't know how long, if at all, they'll be in the NICU. I know the ward is ready to jump in any time. But there are 5, count 'em, 5 other women having babies in the next few months. The poor Relief Society is going to be babied out by the time it's all over. Good thing we're getting ours in first. :) For live-in help, my mom is here until the middle of September, after which Adam will use his vacation time he's saved up to stay home (if he can wait that long.) After that, we're on our own. It will be a baptism by fire, I'm sure. One parent of triplets told me that if our marriage survives the first year, we'll be set for life.

The rest of my thoughts are scattered bits of strollers, epidurals, baby carriers, bottles, hospital gowns, and so on, combined with memories of Elizabeth's birth. How different this one will be!

Lastly, I have been moved and humbled by the outpouring of love and support. Besides many, many generous gifts, we've also gotten many offers of help, prayers, and well wishes. I sincerely thank all of you for your calls, emails, cards, and love. And now, on to the undiscovered country! This is Emily Johnson signing off. See you on the flip side!