Where should we live? How will we manage having four small children in Brooklyn? And how long will we last?
What will we do for a car? We'll get a mini-van, I suppose. I am anti SUVs. But how will we afford one? We haven't made car payments in forever. And I love Pedro. If we lived in the suburbs, we could keep him...
How will I ever leave the house without help? You can barely fit a regular stroller into some of the stores here. Don't talk to me about triple strollers.
What will we do if I have to go on bed rest? How will this ever work when we live so far from family?
Can my body handle this? Everything I've read says that I'll have to get a c-section--a huge disappointment since I really, really wanted another natural birth--and that the babies will be born premature and have to be in the NICU for some time. How will I deal with all of this?
What is He thinking?!??!?!?
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Oddly, you and Adam keep Josh and I up at nights. We keep asking ourselves, "How can we get them to move here?" Serious. We could get you a job, a decent place to live for cheap. Most moms around here are stay-at-home moms, and anywhere you move in the church, you will get help from them members. The church IS built in family everywhere you go... and here, we could help you guys... Josh and I have been looking to buy a house recently. Brand new homes are being built here 1800 sq. ft. for 135,000. I'm guessing a payment on that would be even less than a one-bedroom apt in Brooklyn. You could fly out here and take a look at it, stay with us for a few days...
Just food for thought.
I used to have recurring dreams about having quadruplets (maybe it was because it I was on fertility drugs?). At first they terrified me, but then I started thinking about it to help me get to sleep. Obviously it was easier to think about when it wasn't really happening to me. Here are some pragmatic thoughts that I had when I was contemplating four babies:
- baby slings. You can get them for twins, and then you could have one baby in a stroller, or sling one baby and have a double stroller. I know it's not ideal, and ideally you'll just have to plan your outings around times when Adam or a friend can go with you, but if you had to manage by yourself, consider putting babies in places other than a stroller. Also, consider getting a pram-style stroller. My sister in law walks everywhere she goes (she did when she was in utah, but now she's in new york so it makes more sense...), including grocery shopping, and she always took her three kids with her--the baby could lay down in the stroller, the toddler could sit up in the stroller, and she could stash a bunch of stuff in the lower compartment.
- when you first have the babies, paint their fingernails designated colors so you and others can tell them apart.
- minivan all the way. Safer, more fuel efficient than SUVs, and they seem to cost less.
Maybe none of this helps. It's always hard to know why things happen the way they do (why can't I have children?), but I have faith that "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." Things will fall into place, as they always do.
Thanks for the comment, Erika. You helped remind me that babies, no matter how many come at once, are always a blessing. Your suggestions are good. Maybe two in a pram, snuggled together...
Alrighty, dearest :) I AM that sister-in-law. :) It is NOT that bad, really. I can give your A MILLION of resources of NATURAL birth for triplets. You CAN live in Brooklyn just fine with 4 kids, brooklyn is THE place for larger families. Pram is the way to go , email me, I'll give you a ton of resources, I can safely say I am a pro at those.
No baby slings, but ergo carrier( you can position TWO babies in their infant carrier insert), and you really can be just fine without a car. A cab is still cheaper, they are required to provide carseats ( if you call them in advance ) and living in Brooklyn, you don't need to have a car to go shopping, and thankfully, all the produce is all over the place.
Now the good stuff: you qualify for EVERYTHING NYC has to offer, and will qualify for more, come the babies, including cash assistance, and NY has a TON to offer. CAll 311 , talk to someone, and then use everything you've learned and be firm with the case worker. They are trained to do just the opposite of what UT does , but if you know your rights and what you qualify for , they are bound. You may even qualify for assistance housing, where you'll only pay 30% of what your income is, no matter what apartment you live in, and with 6 of you , you must be in a 3 bedroom :) So, there are a lot of upside here too, the ones you are worrying about are the very ones that are taken care of, actually. Automatically :) So, tail up , and enjoy the babies. The most important part is to stress less and feed them more, so that they grow healthy and strong.
Go to birthintobeing.com and birthasweknowit.com,
they have multiple references to twin and triplet HOMEbirths, so , if women can do them at home, you'll definitely be ok :) NICU sucks. Avoid it at all costs. Been there, done that - SUCKS. Bedrest is really not that bad. If I could go from uber-active to laying flat-only-allowed -to-pee for 4 months plus some in the middle - anyone can. It really is fun , though. You really get to connect with your child, and do everything you never had time for, and everything you THOUGHT was important all of a sudden is taken care of , somehow, without YOU. So, don't stress, really. And if you need help with strollers or carriers, or pregnancy support, or birthing - email. I'm a short train ride away :)
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Or, as we say in Alanon, let go and let God. This is the only way to stay sane. Remember, we love you and are praying for you.
Emily, I think there are a lot of us that have not been able to sleep since your news broke out. We are pretty much in awe and I for one can't stop looking at that sonogram pic without getting teary-eyed.
You are stronger than you think. Heavenly Father has given them to you because He knows you very well and He knows that you and Adam are the best parents for these babies. He knows you are fully capable and He is counting on all your friends and family to help you. It sounds like a cliche (sp?), but it is true: Let the Lord be your constant companion through lots and lots of prayer.
All you need to worry about right now is your nutrition and getting plenty of rest and sunshine (vit D). I read somewhere that you need something like 4,500 calories a day. Plan your menu for the week. Once the nausea subsides, make lots of healthy smoothies and get a juicer. These will help you fill in the gaps nutritionally between meals.
As far as help.....
I have never heard of New York being "trained to do just the opposite" of Utah. It may feel that way sometimes when we end up with operators or social workers that are not fully trained or are misinformed about things. That is why we need to do our homework. As far as I know, you qualify for WIC during your pregnancy and after you deliver. You can also have a nurse from Visiting Nurse Service of NY to check up on you and the babies when you get home.
Adam and you will need to make a list of people who can come to stay with you during the day and at night to assist you with the babies, including Elizabeth. You will also need someone to help you during the day with Elizabeth now during your pregnancy.
You will be surprised at all the people that will step up to help. Please let US, your friends and family, do all the worrying for you. Let us do the research on support groups online for moms with multiple births that list resources on buying diapers, etc. at wholesale prices. Let us contact the companies directly for information on discounts and coupons. Let us go on Craigslist in search for second hand baby items.
You'll see. Everything will come together nicely. We love you and you are in our prayers. (Sorry this is so long.)
You and Adam have my utmost respect right now, seriously. I think about you all the time. When I read this in a book called "Covenant Hearts" I thought of you guys immediately.
"The mental image of his wife gave Viktor Frankl the strength to survive the agony of a Nazi concentration camp: "As we stumbled on for miles,...dragging one another up and onward,...my mind clung to my wife's image...Her look was more luminous than the sun...For the first time in my life...I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. Therefore, he who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how."
I don't mean to compare having triplets to being in a concentration camp, but as you said in your post, there's no getting around the reality that you're facing some intense challenges. I loved that thought that keeping perspective of WHY you're going through it will help you with the HOW,. Maybe you could find art/photos of triplets (both babies and older kids) and decorate your home with them to help you visualize the reality of the spirits inside you and what you mean to them and them to you. Sending all my love, Rachel
Just like there was a reason you for you to come to NYC, there is a reason that these three babies are being sent to you. Heavenly Father knew just what he was doing when he sent them to you. They are incredibly lucky to be joining your family. Remember that. And remember that you are surrounded by people who will do anything to help you. I firmly believe that you will be blessed with everything you need. There will be no shortage of miracles coming your way. Love you, my friend!
OK- so waking up this morning I was laying and bed and had a fantastic thought for you guys...
Tax returns for 2010!
:)
OK, sorry, sorry, I know the babies are the best best best part of all of this... but I just had that sudden thought that, "Hey, there are other good things too!" Please don't take my post to be obtuse. I just wanted to bring a little smile to your day and point out yet another positive.
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