Cabin Fever

This year for Christmas, my parents gave us the gift of time together. They rented a cabin in Fazier Park for a weekend. We played a ton of games, including Fox and Geese (snow game), It Came to Pass, and Speed Scrabble. The best was "playing" Catch Phrase with Isaac, who's 2 1/2. He'd take the game and say with incredible enthusiasm and anxiety, "Okay! Okay! What is number one?" to which you would say, "Number one!" and then he'd pass it to you.

Here are some pictures of the cabin.

The living room. We never did figure out how to get the flu open on the wood-burning stove.

BJ in his Napoleon Dynomite shirt.

Stairs up to...

...the loft.

Our tiny bed.

Rebecca and Isaac and The Wolf Who Cried Boy.

And what mountain cabin would be complete without the scary Chucky doll that wakes up in the middle of the night and prowls around wielding a butter knife? This one's head turns all...the...way...around!

Our family Christmas photo and a little fun with fotoshop.

Christmas Traditions

Christmas Eve, we revived the old Davis tradition of reenacting the Nativity.

Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus, swaddled in an IKEA blanket. I believe Adam grew his beard just for this.

Christmas morning, we start with the stockings, with gifts overflowing onto the floor.

Stocking gifts usually consist of toiletries (I never have to buy a toothbrush), specialty food items (cheese, chocolate, olives, etc.) and of course, an orange.

Baby Cousin Elizabeth, as she was known, with her first stocking stuffer.

Isaac helping Uncle Doug unwrap his gift (probably a toothbrush.) Isaac helped everyone open their gifts.

Including Mumpa (Grandpa.)

Christmas wouldn't be complete without BJ's sometime girlfriend, Nina. She really just comes so she can have a Hannakuh and a Christmas ;)

Then, after a breakfast of German Oven Pancakes, we move to the tree to open the family gifts. I think if you zoom in enough, you can see an ornament of me in elementary school.

The gift-giving extravaganza goes on well into the afternoon. It drives Adam nuts. But he put on a good face this year.

Here's our little elf wearing Santa Snoopy's hat that's probably as old as I am.

Where We Spent Our Christmas Vacation

Thanks to Uncle Sam's stimulus package last year, Adam, Elizabeth, and I got to go to California for Christmas. Elizabeth and I flew out a week before Adam, who joined us a few days before Christmas. On the flight to Burbank, I looked out the window at the palm trees and freeways and waited for the feeling of nostalgia and homesickness to kick in. But it didn't. Home was in Brooklyn with Adam. Yet, here I was, back home. Me and Neil Diamond, I guess—stuck between two coasts. But I'd switch it: New York's fine but it ain't home; LA's home but it ain't mine no more. (Of coures, unlike Neil, I would never use such bad grammar. Like, never.)

So the next two weeks were spent with my family where they live in a little neighborhood east of Dodger Stadium called Mt. Washington.


Mt. Washington is a far cry from a mountain, but as you drive up the hill to my parents' house and your ears pop, and the road keeps going up and up and up...you start to wonder.
Here's the surrounding environs from the 110.


And the house.
Thank you, Big Brother Google for taking the picture I forgot to. And, yes, my father is the Consulate General of Guyana.


We get out of the city often enough to not be overwhelmed by the spaciousness of everything not NYC, but I still loved driving 80 on the freeways (FREEways. No tolls!) and turning right on red lights. And no trip to California would be complete without a trip (or two or three or four...) to In n Out Burger.


The night we flew back to NYC, we were greeted by bitter cold, rude people, and no way to get home. Our car was parked at the church (to avoid a weeks' worth of parking violations) and we ended up taking a taxi driven by a man with a lead foot (on the brake) who did not deserve $60 for the 24-mile trip. Hrumph. Welcome back. Adam kept saying for days afterwards, "I hate New York!" But does that mean he'd ever leave his beloved east coast? I'm not holding my breath. Instead, I'll take what smog, fish tacos, and vitamin D I can get, when I can get it. Hey Obama, how about another stimulus package this year?

The New Site is Up

The new site is launched. Please let me know what you think.
A definite improvement to my old site here.

Chuckanucka

Gift from my good friend Milan. 

Caption reads:

Ok, you know what? Chuckanucka. That's what. Chuckanucka worries about pretty much everything under the sun: What if the phone rings when I go out? What if the mail man tries to deliver my Deluxe Ugly Earmuffs when I'm in the bathroom? Hey, I don't remember leaving the closet door open Just a crack like that! What if I can't ever stop thinking about my name over and over?

Chuckanucka has a pretty strange way of looking at life. Sometimes he wonders if this is all just a hologram, and on other days he wonders what's going to happen if they stop making CD players . . . How will I play my favorite CDs??? I have over nine of them!!! Poor Chuckanucka. Lucky Chuckanucka.

This guy never ceases to amaze me. I love how he dances from 3:05 till the end. 

Thank you Judice. ROTFL or close to it.

Our Muppet Takes Manhattan

Second annual Christmas promenade. This year we were accompanied by friends. Elizabeth didn't see much.

Late Thanksgiving Post

Went to Mexico to celebrate Thanksgiving (a la smoked turkey) with the family.


We all had a great time including Elizabeth.

The highlight for me was having my dad help me in his shop to cut Elizabeth's baby blocks, and when I burned them with the wood burner. Not perfectly square but they do the trick.

The girls saw. ( ". . . vampire" hehe)

The boys saw.

The Hip-Hop in Me

This song (# 5) by the Cool Kids (A Little Bit Cooler) is really funny. It resonates with me and my childhood. Any rap song with Sega in the chorus has got to be good. A very pleasant discovery. (And of course I love artists #1 and 9 a lot. And #6 now too.)

Update on the B*** Job

Thanks to all of you who've reached out to me during all of this breastfeeding hoopla. I thought I'd post an update and also some new pics of Elizabeth.

Things continue to go up and down with the feedings. But I feel like, overall, the line has a positive slope. Having her sleep upright seems to be working well. She, dare I say it, has even slept through the night a few times. I'm still off dairy, though I have my doubts about its effectiveness. And we're keeping up with the Zantac, though it constipates the poor thing. On a positive note, Elizabeth has now successfully taken a bottle and, in fact, we're alternating feedings between bottles and breast to help her with her "pacing," as my lactation consultant put it. Sometimes I don't understand what she's talking about (and I do ask!) but I just keep going with it. I've also discovered the joys of nursing lying down. Though I still can't do it on my side, Elizabeth does pretty well with me on my back and her on my stomach. It keeps me relaxed and her too. Sometimes a little too relaxed—she's always falling asleep. But life goes on. Some days she eats well, others she doesn't. Some days I handle it well, others I don't. But she's healthy, I'm healthy, and life is good and that's what I have to keep focusing on. My LC did say, when I asked if I was making too big a deal of things, "Wellllllll...I don't think that things were as bad as you thought they were. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to help your baby be as happy as possible." Very dipolmatic. In fact, as I've discussed my issues with other moms, I find that the situation could be MUCH MUCH worse. So thank you to everyone for your support. I'll still be checking her weight every week. But I think it's time to accept things as they are and move on.

In other news, Elizabeth seems to enjoy bubble baths and didn't cry at all last night. Here's proof:
We're pretty much in love with this kid. Adam keeps taking pictures of her, like every night. This is my favorite so far:
I think she's deciding if she wants to cry or pass gas. Or maybe both.

I also love this picture. I unwrapped her swaddle one day when I thought she'd slept too long. (I know, I know. Never wake a sleeping baby. I'm a new mom; I'm allowed to be a little anal.) Anyways, this was the position I found her in:
All of a sudden, I could picture her in the womb—inside me. She was inside me? Wow.

P.S. At her weight check a week after we met with the lactation consultant, she had gained 10 oz! For a grand total of 8 lbs. 8 oz. Go Elizabeth!

Star Wars: Robot Chicken

So funny.

Star Wars spoofs directed by Seth Green. Check it out.

Episode 1 is online.

Personal favorites include:

Asteroid field failure.

Yo Mama battle.

New line of work.

One Month

Better late than never...

Today is Elizabeth's one month birthday. And what a month! Adam and I both agree that it feels MUCH longer than just 30 days. But we love our little angel. Here's a few pictures to commemorate the day:

In her swing, fascinated by the flying fish.

This is how she sleeps—swaddled in her favorite blanket and upright for the reflux. (The other blanket is to throw over her head to help her fall asleep.)

All bundled up to go outside. What a cutie!

Happy one month birthday, Elizabeth!

My Boob Job

It's Sunday morning, 10:30 AM. Why am I not at church? Why am I sitting in a bathrobe with leaky "faucets" and nasty, matted hair, and no ability to take a nap?

Last week, I took Elizabeth to the pediatrician to be weighed and to discuss with her my concerns about E's eating habits. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, she'll stay on the breast for a whole 10 minutes and, with a lot of prompting, suck most of the time she's on. But a lot of times, she'll eat for five minutes then flip out, arch her back, scream like I'm torturing her, then take forever to settle down. And when she does settle down, if I so much as lower her back to nursing position, she wigs out again. Do I have nasty sour milk??? We suspected acid reflux, so the doctor put her on Zantac, but that didn't seem to be making a difference and was maybe constipating her. I wasn't sure if her strange eating habits were such a big deal or not, so hence the Dr. appointment.

I placed my little angel on the scale, the nurse moved the weights back and forth, then I just stared in shock as she told me: "Seven pounds, fourteen ounces." I asked her to try again. Nope, she was right. E had only gained 7 ounces in two weeks. And she weighed about the same as she did last week on the post office scale (minus clothes.) That's when I burst into tears and didn't stop crying through the whole appointment. The pediatrician assured me that Elizabeth was "thriving," but she suggested I see a lactation consultant. Then she asked how I was doing. More tears. However, thanks to this kind doctor's prompting, I'm working with the consultant, I've spoken with my midwife about my postpartum issues, I've started medication, and I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week. So I'm trying everything I can to get the support Elizabeth and I need. But will it help?

The lactation consultant is a warm, friendly, kind-of-granola-in-a-good-way, Jewish woman who works out of her home. She spent a nice long time w/ Elizabeth and me and was so kind and wise and wonderful. She kissed and caressed Elizabeth like she was her own grandchild. (Though she's barely grandmother age.) She determined, due to E's pattern of weight gain (tons at the beginning and now petering off) that she's got a weak suck and so we're doing exercises every time she eats. We massage her temples, squish her lips like a fish, tap around her lips, put in our finger to suck and fix her lips again to see if the suck gets stronger. I was skeptical at first but she assured me it would help. The consultant also saw E's baby acne (hence no pictures lately), and with that and her screaming at the breast, thinks she does indeed have reflux and it might be coupled with a dairy allergy. So no more dairy for mom and we're keeping up with the Zantac and have added extra burping at feedings and we're keeping her upright all the time--including nap time--she sleeps in the swing. To top it all off, since E's not sucking deeply and long enough to get all the hind milk, I'm pumping half an ounce before each feeding. Are we exhausted yet?

All of this has required lots of help so Friday, my dear friend and her happy happy boy (who gives me hope for Elizabeth's future) came to help. We had a great day and things seemed to be going well. Saturday, Adam was my wingman, but little Betty (does that nickname work?) seemed to revert to old behavior and was cranky and ate poorly. I've spoken with the LC and we're going to track my diet to see what else it might be and keep up with the exercises and the pumping. And so it goes on.

Sometimes I get weary. Why is this so hard? Should I just switch to formula? When I was pregnant, I had a number of dreams where I would be trying to suckle my baby, but no milk would come and she would get smaller and smaller until she'd disappear and I couldn't find her. To this day, the memory of those dreams brings tears to my eyes. I know Elizabeth won't starve. I know everything will be fine. But how will I get through this? Why can't I feed my child?

But then comes hope. Adam and a neighbor gave our baby a blessing Thursday night, the day we met with the consultant. Adam blessed her to continue to grow and that her stomach would be healed. He also gave me a blessing of comfort that I would have strength and patience and peace through all of this. I've spent more time on my knees this weekend than I can remember.

So that's why I'm not at church, though I long for the spirit the Sacrament brings. I suppose I should try to shower before Elizabeth wakes up and we go through the whole big production again. But I'll do whatever it takes. And I know the Lord is blessing us, though His ways and timing are not my own.

Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are

You're the best! Around!

So because we have a baby now we gave into the instant movie gratification of Netflix™. And one of the first complete movies we watched together was one Emily hadn't seen: Karate Kid. I don't know how that's possible either. We both couldn't get over Elizabeth Shue and her young-ness. I try to do that Mr. Miyagi thing some times, but my hands never get hot enough. And to set the record straight, Pat Morita is Japanese American not Korean (despite rumors). Emily thought Daniel LaRusso was a bit too pretty, but I don't agree. He's just suave.

The Sun Comes Out

Last night I had a revelation: I've been through this before and I know how to deal with it.

I also realized that I have a duty to Adam and my daughter to do my best and not give up. Through the therapy I've already had, I've learned the tools to deal with this. I just needed to remember them and use them.

So here are my new commandments, or How to Beat Anxiety/Depression:

1. DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! Doing nothing only makes you feel worse.
2. Read scriptures and pray every day.
3. Feelings aren't fact! Remind yourself that the bad thoughts/feelings you have aren't true. Don't believe Satan's lies.
4. Exercise.

Thanks so much for your comments, guys. I hope I didn't freak anyone out. So here's proof, courtesy of our brand-spankin' new iMac, (which I'm shocked Adam hasn't blogged about yet) that i'm feeling better.

(Please ignore the unmentionables hanging in the background.)

More thoughts

How Emily and I feel about the protests.